We were getting ready to go to a Christmas Party the other night and I was searching for a plain white T-shirt to wear under a thin dress shirt (it’s winter!). I don’t know what happens to my nice white T-shirts. I wear them once and they mysteriously disappear. All the white T-shirts I own have flecks of paint or discolored spots on them. I’m never at a loss for those – they seem to multiply in the closet.

My wife handed me a size small men’s T-shirt that my daughter wears for marching band. I usually wear XL so it was skin tight but it was clean and white so it "worked for me". About that time our daughter was leaving so I went to tell her good bye. I thought she might have a laugh seeing her old man wearing her T-shirt so I blurted out “What do you think of your shirt?” as I was rounding the corner. I didn’t realize she had friends with her! I just hope they don’t think I wear all of her clothes :)

The next day she told me that one of her friends thought her dad was ripped. Now I’m a child of the seventies (I graduated in `75) so the term ripped means something completely different to me. In my day being really “ripped” meant you were probably too wasted to know your own name. I guess today it’s better thing. Today it means muscular or “buff”. Buff? Her friend must need corrective lenses but I must say, I don’t feel quite so old and decrepit today.

Remember when hot was replaced by cool? Back then “having a six pack” meant something completely different too. If you weren’t holding a carton of beer or driving a car with six one barrels or three deuces, it meant a six-pack gut not rock hard abs. “Junk in your trunk” meant you not only had a spare and jack, you also had the lawn dart game and some extra car parts crammed in there. Not today! Word to the wise; never tell a woman she has too much junk in her trunk unless your standing next to her open car trunk pointing into it - even then, be careful.

With the words that mean something completely different now or in the past and all the terms I use that are common to my local, it’s amazing anyone can understand what I'm writing about. Especially when I use a term like “spendy”. Here in the Midwest spendy means it costs lotsa money :) People around here use it all the time – we live in constant sticker shock.

When I feed my Midwestern US slang to guys in other parts of the world it must lose all coherency. I have a friend who told me that when he was visiting the UK he’d get the strangest reaction every time he introduced himself - “Hi, I’m Randy”. I guess it meant a whole different thing over there but he made a lot of friends that trip :)

I was talking with Brian Klock from Klockwerks Cycles the other night about updating websites. He writes a monthly update on his website similar to this one. We were talking about how fast the time flies and about coming up with something to write about. We agreed that our writing style has a similar Midwestern style. We both write the way we speak – well, sort of. I don’t use as many parenthesis and dashes when I speak :)

The slower pace of writing gives you a little more time to think about how to better word what you’re trying to say. There’s no back button in oral conversation and often times my brain is traveling much quicker than my mouth. That’s better than the other way around I guess ;) Sometimes I’ll say the end of a sentence first or mix things around a bit. Yes, I’m a stuttering stammering idiot in real life :)

Anyway, have a Very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Scooter

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